(hood at his 16th birthday party, 10/17/2006)This is my pet robbin, Hood. He has been missing for the last 8 months. Let me tell you a bit about our story.
Hood was born as an egg in a small log cabin in the middle of a horrible winter storm. He was, as modern americans call it, an "accident" and his mom just wasn't ready to commit to the responsibilities of parenthood. She made her mind to migrate so she carefully nudged the newborn egg out of the nest, where Hood plumeted to what would most likely be his death. Then i came along like a hero or whatever, and cought the egg like a ninja! however, my incredibly muscular hands were so hard as cement, that the egg cracked a bit from the initial shock. This left poor hood with a learning disability. Some would go as far as saying he was a vegitable, but i saw past this. I took him in as my own small pet. I went to Tim Horton's and bought a box of tim-bits. I proceeded to eat said tim-bits. When I was done, hood had a new home!
Now, your probably all wondering, why the hell I would name my pet robin Hood. The answer, readers, is because i thought it would be funny in the way that it's similiar to the disney character "Robin Hood". Unfortunetly, it turns out no one yells out your species before your name, so he's pretty much just gone around his entire life sounding like some sort of gender-confused gangster. oh well, my bad.AnYwAyS! Hood was alot more stupid than i thought. Everytime i put him in his box, he would run into the walls like one of those automatic vacuum cleaners when they would get stuck in a corner. But don't worry, He would loose concessness eventually and just wouldn't wake up for a couple of days.
Me and hood had some great times together. I recall one particular incident when hood turned his head towards me and said "chirp chirp chirp!" which in bird talk means, "I'm hungry" so i slapped him in the beak and screamed "WHAT ELSE IS NEW, FATTY!!!" ya, good times, good times!
Soon after, hood got into a street fighting gang. He went out partying every night, shooting cocaine, and this one time he brought a prostitute into our apartment. A fucking prostitute!! His life was in a downward spiral. we were constintly getting into arguments. I remember one time he left a needle full of haroine on the floor and i accidently stepped on it .
me:"Hood, your addictions are getting out of control."
hood:"chirp chirp chirp chirp" i'm trying to fit in
me:"that's not something you want to fit into!"
hood:"chirp chirp chirp chirp"that's what she said!
me:"I can't take all of your perverted jokes anymore! hood, i'm sending you to rehab! sexual-pun rehab!!!"
and then he knocked over the meth lab on our front porch as he drunkenly stumbled away.
I haven't heard from him since. here's the most recent picture i have of him.
(yeah, i know. he's seriously let himself go)If you have hear from , seen , bought drugs from, or have any tips about Hood, please contact me at:
holyasscase@yahoo.com
thank you! and god bless:)
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