front of note cards:
"photosynthesis notes" on the back of the notecards:
sorry the quality is equivalent to ass. you'll get over it. however, how any creature could do such a thing ultimetley disgusts me.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Aparently hood was a conartist, a conartist with an addiction to playdough.
while looking through Hood's memory box today, i found a letter addressed to the company of play-dough. It turns out hood was a master conartist and lied in order to feed his addiction to moldable dough. here's the letter, read it in order:
front of note cards:
"photosynthesis notes" on the back of the notecards:
sorry the quality is equivalent to ass. you'll get over it. however, how any creature could do such a thing ultimetley disgusts me.
front of note cards:
"photosynthesis notes" on the back of the notecards:
sorry the quality is equivalent to ass. you'll get over it. however, how any creature could do such a thing ultimetley disgusts me.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Hood's journal pt 1
Last week, I recieved all of hoods belongings in the mail. First, I started a huge bonfire and began burning all of his most precious belogings. It was mostly his collection of used celebrity napkins but under all of the used tissues and such, I found something very interesting. Hood's diary. I read it. I laughed, I cried, I got angry, but mostly, I had no Fucking idea what he was talking about. Sometimes, he would say things that I did! Most of the time, I knew for a FACT he was lieing, but then I rememered that he was mentally retarded so that could very well have been what he thought happened. In what you are about to read, Hood holds conversations with himself for no apaerent reason. There are obsenoties, so viewer discression is advized.
"dear diary,
"we'll be seperated for all eternity," they told me
Now, this sounded incredibly apealing to me. Of course, when I say 'incredibly appealing' I mean "I hate you all". But who would say something like that to a group of people who "genuinly care about you"
Ok, I'm going to stop right there. What if everyone said exactly what they were thinking? It would be a parallell universe of honesty! Hmmm.... I bet some crazy bitch would probably freak out after some one told her her hair looked like shit and blow up the world. It's always the quiet ones..
I wonder if there really are those DO NOT PRESS buttons that fire off atomic missles onto unsuspecting towns.
"oh, hey Joe. Could you tell your ass wipe of a cat to stop taking a crap on my front porch!"
"ya, mike? I will when your wife trims those shrubs! And I'm not talking about your over grown shittyass garden, I'm talking about her-"
kaBoOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! everyone's dead. Or at least, that's what those last thirty seconds would be like in my head. I imagine being blown the hell up would be a pretty quick and painless way to die. I also imgine being blown the hell up gives you a free pass to heaven fallowed by a hi five from Jesus for dieing in such a remarkable way.
Well, maybe that's not what the real Jesus would do, but I can assure you that that's what I'd do if I were Jesus. I'd also swallow a bomb. I've always wondered what that would be like... Would I spotaniously implode? Would I pass out? Would I have explosive diarhea? I will probably never know the answers to any of those questions. No, dash that. I will never know the answers to any of those questions. Anyone ever told you that there's no such thing as a dumb question? People have told me this and then I'll ask something like " is that a blind man driving that car!?!?" and they never take you seriously again.
TWENTY YEARS LATER:
"Malinda, will you marry me"
*malinda starts cracking up and ends up dieing of laugter*
*paul dies alone well known as the town dumbass*
now, as to why I would ever ask if it was a blind man driving the car next to us, my reason is quite legit. The side of the van said "service dog on board" and there was a handicap card hanging from the mirror. This immedietly made me think of blind people, because who s more handicapped than the blind? This question did send the entire car into a fit a laughter, resulting in the driver running a red lght and almost killing us all. My mother of course thought I must eather be mentally retarded and she just hadn't known it all these years or doing some sort of drugs from this obvious lack of common sense. Sense, cents, scents. That was impressive! I'm beginning to find it hard to be original and random. I tend to be unoriginal. I have to have something to build off of in order to be funny. For example, you give me the phrase " wow, your such a cock licker!" I pop out " that's what tiger woods said!"
Considering the fact that you never said that, and the fact that by you I mean myself because no one has ever read this, that statement was entirely my own. I would suppose this makes me original and witty. Over the years, I've done a few original things.
" like taping that air freshner to that kids back?" you ask
" well obviously! That was so un original, so cliche, it was completely unexpected and 'hilairious' as you put it." I reply, anoyed.
even though I don't care the tiniest bit about this anymore seeing that it happened more than a year ago, you never shut up about that insident! Someone new sits at the lunch table and how do people introduce me?
"this is hannah, she's flipping hilairiouse! She taped this air freshner to a kids back last year cause he smelled like armpit....." and so on and so forth.
I'm sure they find this just as hilairious as you do, and sure I continue to play it up when it's brouht up, but soon I'm sure everyone will end up hating me for it. That's just how the eighth grade is: totally stupid. You know what else is totally stupid? Peopl who repeat things right after they happen...
Poplar guy walks up to our lunch table
"hey Hood, saw you at magic mountian yesterday."
"uhh, ya..."
"ya, playing in the ball pit like some kind of fucking baby."
"well what were you doing there!"(defensively said)
"it was my cousins fifth birthday..."
"oh..." (I now feel like an ass)
"well, I bet you had fun with all those balls" (says this like a stupid jerk)
"yeah! I did have fun! With your mom last night! Oh, burn!!!!" (I get way too into it)
~lunch table laughs hysterically~
"hahaha! with you mom last nite. That was funny...." - girl next to me
*silence fills the lunch room*
"ya, way to say exactly what I just said, you unorigianl slut. I'm pretty sure that happened less than six seconds ago. I'm also pretty sure that it wasn't that funny. That added absolutely nothing to your side of the conversation. So why don't you shut the hel up next time you have nothing to say? Please, for be love of god, never talk to me again." is what I shouldve said but instead I reply with a smiling,"yeah!..."
I like that line," please, for the love of god, never talk to me Again." i wonder what would happen if I said that to a teacher... Or my mom.... Nothing good most definitly. It really is pathetic when people try that hard to be your friend. Quite honestly, you could offer me a piece of gum and I'll be your best friend for the rest of your life (BFFTROYL!). Gum is like the leagle tender of jr highschool. I'm assuming one could get laid if he had enough gum. That's right, I'm talking about prostitutes paid in gum. (that was the first thing I thought of when I Saw that new trident layers comercial) I say this sarcastically though, and Only because I have relationships solely based on the distribution of gum. This is just another reason why children have absolutely no military power.
"we will crush your country if you continue your nuclear research" says the fourteen year old president
"really? Because this pack of stride mystery flavored gum begs to differ!" says the dictator of Iran
Need I say more? We would last like a week and then the president would have traded the entire country for three pieces of five gum.
Sincerly,
hood the robin
"dear diary,
"we'll be seperated for all eternity," they told me
Now, this sounded incredibly apealing to me. Of course, when I say 'incredibly appealing' I mean "I hate you all". But who would say something like that to a group of people who "genuinly care about you"
Ok, I'm going to stop right there. What if everyone said exactly what they were thinking? It would be a parallell universe of honesty! Hmmm.... I bet some crazy bitch would probably freak out after some one told her her hair looked like shit and blow up the world. It's always the quiet ones..
I wonder if there really are those DO NOT PRESS buttons that fire off atomic missles onto unsuspecting towns.
"oh, hey Joe. Could you tell your ass wipe of a cat to stop taking a crap on my front porch!"
"ya, mike? I will when your wife trims those shrubs! And I'm not talking about your over grown shittyass garden, I'm talking about her-"
kaBoOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! everyone's dead. Or at least, that's what those last thirty seconds would be like in my head. I imagine being blown the hell up would be a pretty quick and painless way to die. I also imgine being blown the hell up gives you a free pass to heaven fallowed by a hi five from Jesus for dieing in such a remarkable way.
Well, maybe that's not what the real Jesus would do, but I can assure you that that's what I'd do if I were Jesus. I'd also swallow a bomb. I've always wondered what that would be like... Would I spotaniously implode? Would I pass out? Would I have explosive diarhea? I will probably never know the answers to any of those questions. No, dash that. I will never know the answers to any of those questions. Anyone ever told you that there's no such thing as a dumb question? People have told me this and then I'll ask something like " is that a blind man driving that car!?!?" and they never take you seriously again.
TWENTY YEARS LATER:
"Malinda, will you marry me"
*malinda starts cracking up and ends up dieing of laugter*
*paul dies alone well known as the town dumbass*
now, as to why I would ever ask if it was a blind man driving the car next to us, my reason is quite legit. The side of the van said "service dog on board" and there was a handicap card hanging from the mirror. This immedietly made me think of blind people, because who s more handicapped than the blind? This question did send the entire car into a fit a laughter, resulting in the driver running a red lght and almost killing us all. My mother of course thought I must eather be mentally retarded and she just hadn't known it all these years or doing some sort of drugs from this obvious lack of common sense. Sense, cents, scents. That was impressive! I'm beginning to find it hard to be original and random. I tend to be unoriginal. I have to have something to build off of in order to be funny. For example, you give me the phrase " wow, your such a cock licker!" I pop out " that's what tiger woods said!"
Considering the fact that you never said that, and the fact that by you I mean myself because no one has ever read this, that statement was entirely my own. I would suppose this makes me original and witty. Over the years, I've done a few original things.
" like taping that air freshner to that kids back?" you ask
" well obviously! That was so un original, so cliche, it was completely unexpected and 'hilairious' as you put it." I reply, anoyed.
even though I don't care the tiniest bit about this anymore seeing that it happened more than a year ago, you never shut up about that insident! Someone new sits at the lunch table and how do people introduce me?
"this is hannah, she's flipping hilairiouse! She taped this air freshner to a kids back last year cause he smelled like armpit....." and so on and so forth.
I'm sure they find this just as hilairious as you do, and sure I continue to play it up when it's brouht up, but soon I'm sure everyone will end up hating me for it. That's just how the eighth grade is: totally stupid. You know what else is totally stupid? Peopl who repeat things right after they happen...
Poplar guy walks up to our lunch table
"hey Hood, saw you at magic mountian yesterday."
"uhh, ya..."
"ya, playing in the ball pit like some kind of fucking baby."
"well what were you doing there!"(defensively said)
"it was my cousins fifth birthday..."
"oh..." (I now feel like an ass)
"well, I bet you had fun with all those balls" (says this like a stupid jerk)
"yeah! I did have fun! With your mom last night! Oh, burn!!!!" (I get way too into it)
~lunch table laughs hysterically~
"hahaha! with you mom last nite. That was funny...." - girl next to me
*silence fills the lunch room*
"ya, way to say exactly what I just said, you unorigianl slut. I'm pretty sure that happened less than six seconds ago. I'm also pretty sure that it wasn't that funny. That added absolutely nothing to your side of the conversation. So why don't you shut the hel up next time you have nothing to say? Please, for be love of god, never talk to me again." is what I shouldve said but instead I reply with a smiling,"yeah!..."
I like that line," please, for the love of god, never talk to me Again." i wonder what would happen if I said that to a teacher... Or my mom.... Nothing good most definitly. It really is pathetic when people try that hard to be your friend. Quite honestly, you could offer me a piece of gum and I'll be your best friend for the rest of your life (BFFTROYL!). Gum is like the leagle tender of jr highschool. I'm assuming one could get laid if he had enough gum. That's right, I'm talking about prostitutes paid in gum. (that was the first thing I thought of when I Saw that new trident layers comercial) I say this sarcastically though, and Only because I have relationships solely based on the distribution of gum. This is just another reason why children have absolutely no military power.
"we will crush your country if you continue your nuclear research" says the fourteen year old president
"really? Because this pack of stride mystery flavored gum begs to differ!" says the dictator of Iran
Need I say more? We would last like a week and then the president would have traded the entire country for three pieces of five gum.
Sincerly,
hood the robin
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